The thing is….

I think I can’t date anyone from school cause they’re jailbates… unless you’re 18, come at me bro. (jk)

But, seriously, I need someone mature enough.

I’m gonna be 20 next year…. I’m gonna be 2 decades old…

DANG.

I wish I was pretty.

Pretty enough to get notice.

Insecurities running through my head. Not good for the new year………..

I’m so impatient right now. EVER so impatient.

First of all, I’m asking myself why the hell am I this impatient in the first place. 

One simple text. I hate waiting for texts. But, why must yo be the text I want to receive right now? Why the hell are you making me feel this way?!

Second of all, I’m contemplating on to why I even like you in the first place? Or my crush for you… but, dang, I feel so out of place right now.

Third of all, I’m going crazy AF.

I should just follow what Ate Beth and Ate Hannah told me: No boys until after I’m done with college. They make everything confusing and complicated and ALL THE SINGLES LADIES don’t need a man.

SIGH. RANTING. AND PMS-ing.

But seriously, a little “Hello” text would be lovely, thank you very much.

Honestly, as a girl, I hate seeing nude pictures of other girls.

I ask myself… why?

In my opinion, sure, it’s fine if we have bathing suits and bandeaus, but naked?

Of course some guys will find it sexy, but for me, I find it disgraceful.

Do you want to bring attention up to yourself? Do something life changing, not disgrace yourself throughout the whole internet.

Do you think it’ll disappear in one simple click? NO. It stays in the worldwide web FOREVER. 

When you go to college, colleges are gonna look at you and your background, or if you ever want to go in the government force. In a couple of years, you’ll think back to this and call yourself stupid and regret even putting up your nudes.

I know my relatives and parents get mad if I post random stuff in my Facebook and such, but I know it;s not to the point where I will post nakey pictures of myself. I mean, come on. I have self-respect and dignity. I don’t want in a couple of years see my kid looking through the internet and seeing their mother’s body plastered somewhere on there.

And, your body’s a temple of God. Do you really want the whole world knowing what you have under your clothes? Keeping your body to yourself and your future husband is one of the gifts you could ever give to your husband. I mean if I was a guy, I know I wouldn’t want my girlfriend or wife’s naked body roaming around the web for my buddies to see, cause hell, I want it for myself. And vice versa. 

So, ladies, advice; keep in classy. If you want to roll that way, go ahead, but I hate seeing naked pictures for attention. Of course, there’s art purposes, but… just… taking a picture for attention is not worth it. Go win a Noble Peace Prize or find a cure for something, and keep your image, that way, you’ll get the attention you want, without having to regret something.

• Drive; because even though I’m of legal age, my parentals are still not letting me. And sometimes, walking everywhere is just… plain… tiring.
• Be photogenic; won’t be afraid to take pictures with me at the randomest times.
• Cuddle; all day, every day.
• Help me grow in faith; I love church boys cause I know for a fact that they’ll help me grow and walk with me with my walk with the Lord, and instant approval from my family and relatives.
• Speak Tagalog; Cause I low-key love speaking Tagalog, and surprise people.
• Be musically inclined; I melt when I hear someone playing piano or guitar.
• Be spontaneous; I love surprises, it gives me the impression that you care and actually try.
• Bring me Starbucks, boba or food; They’re basically one way through my heart.
• Watch dramas with me; Korean or Filipino movies, I go KILIG status.
• Have Disneyland Dates with me; cause it became one of my favorite places in the world.
• Give me your shoulders; So I won’t have to carry my burden all the time, and to have someone to cry on.

LATELY, I’ve been so annoyed by you.

Nobody likes you. Okay. Period.

You annoy me 90% of the time.

Gosh, please, leave me alone.

And if you somehow see this, just STFU. 

I’m so annoyed by the world right now, and you’re making it worst.

Just the sight of you makes me have a bad day.

Harsh, but true.

REALTALK.

I’m very picky and my walls when it comes to guys are pretty…. guarded and high.

While talking to Stacy after Starbucks meetup with our English group, we started talking about relationships.

My past relationships or “relationships” I’ve had didn’t last for a long time because first of all, I was immature at that time and didn’t know what I wanted in life and secondly, they weren’t real relationships; FLINGS..

The closest thing I could honestly call something that was close to a genuine relationship was with “BABE”. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I did fall for him. And people are really surprised I was because it didn’t look like I would. Yet, I still did, and it was not for his looks, but because he was him. He made me smile, made my days, cheered me up and was a great friend when I needed one. Despite only having a “thing”, I really enjoyed what we had and I’m still glad I can still call him my friend, and most of all, the only guy I can call “babe”.

All my other “relationships” were… not nothing, but empty. It was… like neither one tried to make it better or we didn’t make it work.

I’ve been single since Freshman year, and not counting a fling, but sure, I’ve had my fair shares of always yearning and longing for a boy. Sometimes I feel like I need a boy to fix me and who I am. But as of now, I’m glad I’m independent. There are some days where I want a boy, but for most day, I’m glad I’m just… me. 

I haven’t found who I really am and maybe my whole self in the near future, but I’m getting better on my choices, decisions and what I want in life now and in the future.

If there’s a promising boy, I’m not going to let my guard down easily, but I’m also not going to keep it very high.

Am I challenge? Of course, every girl is.

Who knows when I’ll find a guy for me. Maybe it’ll be years from now, months, or maybe even tomorrow.

But I’m me. So, challenge me.